Valentine's Day: Chaos in Ikebukuro
by Shogun K
Summary: Throughout the world, Valentine's day is viewed as the holiday of love and peace. However, in Ikebukuro, the crossing of powerful characters, with a little help by Izaya Orihara, cause the normally happy occasion to fall into total chaos. However, his plan for chaos goes out of control with the unpredicted actions of Shizuo Heiwajima and Namie Yagiri among others.
1. Chapter 1: Eve

**Equilibrium: The Peace of Ikebukuro**

All throughout the world, Valentine's day was a day of love and peace. A place where masses of people separated into isolated couples, focused only on their own lives for the day. Well... everywhere except Ikebukuro. Here, a storm of chaos was waiting to burst free. A tangle of connections, isolated from nothing, was woven into a destructive web by the self proclaimed "god of Ikebukuro".

But first, there is the calm before the storm, the setup for the act: Valentine's Eve

_Disclaimer: This entire story is based on the anime Durarara! I do not own Durarara! It is owned by Brain's Base, Aniplex, and some guy named Narita_

* * *

Shinra was working in the operating room that day. Valentine's Day eve meant nothing for him. In true doctoral fashion, he had already finished all preparations for the big day a week in advance. He had even invited his true love to the premiere of Yuhei Hanejima's newest romantic movie. To him, today was just another boring work day, with nothing special to do...

Cutting open a bloody gangster's bullet pierced chest, he wondered why anybody would think of today as special; there was no cake like Christmas Eve, and no special concert like New Years Eve. Yet everybody around him seemed so agitated and nervous… particularly Shizuo and Celty.

The doctor chuckled dryly, pinching the bullet carfully out from his patient's left ventricle wall, "What does Shizuo care of Valentines Day!? Not like Mr. Violence is going to have a date tomorrow!" He then worked silently for a while, swiftly stitching the portion of the Cardiac Vein the bullet had grazed. Suddenly, a creepy grin came onto the pale doctor's face, "But I think I know why Celty's nervous. She's going to have a very … very special night tomorrow!" Thus Shinra's mind drifted toward his usual perverted thoughts as he finished the "2 hour surgery" in 69 minutes flat.

* * *

In the lazy streets of Tokyo, the Headless Rider rode through the streets on her loyal steed. The deep black motorbike usually sped like a flagship supersport racer through the crowded streets, yet stayed stealthy with absolutely no engine sound or headlamps. Today, however, the majestic legend of Ikebukuro looked more like a classic steam locomotive lumbering about in a black chaotic stormcloud.

Celty Sturluson was panicking about Valentine's Day. The Irish goddess of death was actually the most anxious person in the entirety of Ikebukuro.

{How am I supposed to go on a public date with Shinra?} She worried.

{How can I walk freely through the streets without attracting nosey watchers and annoying policemen?}

{What should my outfit be to please him? I can't just wear my black bike suit… Nothing black will work… Besides, how can a nonhuman relate to the humans' love holiday?}

{I have no head, no face. How can I possibly show love without it? I can't smile, I can't laugh, I can't kiss…}

Stupid thoughts like these floated in her mind as she roamed aimlessly in agitation.

Although she had looked forward to tomorrow for months, she didn't realize how hard it would be on her until now. She wished to escape from this anxiety by returning to work, but she had foolishly left today and tomorrow free to focus on the holiday.

As more and more problems sprouted in her mind, she at last decided to seek help from her best friend. He could understand her position and help her figure out a good plan, she was sure.

Thus, Celty rode away in a relatively smaller cloud of worries toward the brighter side of town.

* * *

In a crowded corner across town, a heart shaped billboard landed with a crash in the middle of the street. Witnesses sprinted away from the site immediately as a ticked off bodyguard stormed toward the wreckage.

Shizuo Heiwajima was in the worst mood today. He hated all the fru-fru lovey-dovey stuff of Valentine's season that violated into his simple stoic private life. It was simply unbearable to listen to intrusive salesmen trying to sell him flower scented deodorant.

"Now you see how much I care about your fake love toy?" he yelled at the frightened man crushed under the sign.

As he received no response, the blond superhuman left him while muttering "I will definitely murder the next man who tries to market to me..."

This was the 8th consecutive year that some stupid salesman couldn't tell the difference between his true hatred of the holiday and the anxiousness of some dateless loner. If only he could escape from society during this time… he thought. But alas, this was a busy work season with all the poor losers coming to his boss Tom to ask for a loan.

He stormed toward his next client, lighting a cigarette to ease some of his anger. He swore under his breath to brutally slay the next person who came to talk to him about their puny love issues.

At this time, he heard the high pitched neighing of Celty's bike. He looked over, and saw that the deeply troubled Dullahan wanted to talk to him. Usually when she was this troubled, she would ask him to "take care of" some violent thug interfering with her job. This made Shizuo happy, as he could escape from all the Valentine's crap and expel his contained anger toward an enemy without guilt. Also, he always liked to help out a friend.

Turning to his boss he said, "Hey Tom-san, can I catch a break? A friend wants to talk to me."

Tanaka conceded, already tired from the day's work, "As long as you don't destroy another quarter of the city…"

Shizuo thanked his boss for his generosity, and cheerfully walked toward his depressed friend.

* * *

"Hahaha this is just perfect!" screamed the man surrounded by 5 computer screens. "For the past few months I've only been diligently working as an information broker, and the world's best love story is unfolding on its own right in front of my eyes!"

The self proclaimed god of Ikebukuro hummed joyfully to the Ikebukuro citizens' inevitable love disaster as he spun around like a kid on his big office chair. "Namie-san, why don't you participate in the fun tragedy too! You have a lover waiting for you somewhere right?" he shouted gleefully to his assistant managing the books, but only received a look full of lethal intent in response.

He continued on anyway, "Woooh this is going to be so dramatic. Maybe if I add a few more parties, things could get REALLY nice…"

Suddenly, Izaya jumped from his desk to the client table across the room in one glorious leap. Taking out his favorite twisted chess board, he started to arrange some Go pieces around traditional shogi and chess pieces. He muttered excitedly to himself, "Saika needs some love too you know? How about Taro Tanaka… Bakyura could make things fun… These three gangs will make a magnificent love triangle…"

Namie Yagiri shuddered at these words from his boss. The last time that he had arranged those three parties on that board, Ikebukuro had become a warzone. If something like that happened again, some people very close to her could be in danger. Silently, she pondered how to save her favorite brother from Izaya Orihara's wrath.

* * *

The gang leaders Izaya had referred too were roaming through Ikebukuro together that day. The founder of the Dollars casually made fun of some lame joke told by the leader of the Yellow Scarves as the master of Saika chuckled at their energy. All three of them were content on enjoying Valentines Day together as a band of friends rather than as isolated couples with their lovers. Masaomi Kida had even left his girlfriend to spend her time freely so that he could be with his buddies again.

"Oh Anri, I do not wish to disturb your delicate life… but if you insist, I will be your Valentine!" he said, badly imitating a romantic play that was on TV the day before.

"Dude, it's the other way around… the girl asks the boy to be her Valentine stupid" cut in his best friend Mikado Ryugamine. "Besides, don't blame me if Saki murders you for that comment."

"Hey, you better not put strange thoughts into her head! Was it you who told her…"

"I just said to calm down man. I never said that I _would_ let her know. Just if…"

"Hey hey hey"

The group stopped walking as Masaomi, becoming very red, started to wrestle Mikado. Anri Sonohara blushed silently, enjoying the attention given to her, yet knowing that she could never return any love given to her.

* * *

Just one block down the street, Shizuo Heiwajima stood shocked and speechless. He had approached Celty to escape from the suffocating frivolousness of Valentine's Eve. Yet he found himself listening (reading?) to the normally stoic Dullahan list an endless stream of the same stupid questions and topics that he had tried so hard to escape from.

But Celty was a friend, and the annoyed bartender-suited bodyguard tried to answer to the best of his abilities.

"I dunno, but I bet that if you do as much as hug him and hold his hand for a while, El Perverto Stupido would be ecstatic" he answered to a dozen or so questions about Shinra that seemed to ask the exact same thing.

Surprisingly, the headless rider took offense to this answer and glared at him, saying (writing?) the angry and misspelled retort: {INSOLT SHIMRa AGIN AAND I KILLL YOU}

Ignoring her, Shizuo took out another cigarette, hating every second of their conversation. "Besides, why are you bothering me with stupid stuff like this? If you're really concerned that you'd disappoint Dr. Creep, show him some of your skin and sleep with him, now do you have anything serious to ask me?"

In an angry cloud of black smoke, Celty leapt off her bike, visibly furious. {I DON"T CARE IF YYOU INSULT ME, BUT I TOLLD YoU TO LEEVE SHNRAALONE!}

"What are you going to do, fight me!?" yelled Shizuo, stamping on the cigarette that fell from his mouth, as he couldn't hold his anger any longer as well...

* * *

Night fell on Ikebukuro, as the iconic neon lit culture of the city roared to life. Simon Brezhnev of Russia Sushi happily handed out special Valentine coupons to the odd passerby. He loved this time of year, as the masses of usually dark depressed people lit up with the energy and joy brought about by love. (There is no need for hatred and violence here!) He thought. There would be no stopping of drunken brawls today, nor tomorrow either; everybody can enjoy the peace.

Just as he thought this, a hopelessly angry and beat up Shizuo limped into view. The man had just lost a fight to a love-crazed girl and was in no mood to talk. "Oh, Shizuo, fighting not good man. Brighten up! No need for anger in season of St. Valentine! Eat sushi! I give you discount. Good food let you…"

He was cut off by the blood curdling yell of the blond fighting machine. The peaceful Russian watched as Shizuo rushed at him with the angriest look he had seen on him in years.

"SIIIIIMOOOOON! How many times do I have to tell you that I absolutely despise Valentines daaaaay!?"

Thus, at 7:45 PM, a small quick fight outside a sushi stand ended the major events of the day before the storm.


	2. Chapter 2: Goooood Mornin'

**Highway to Hell**

* * *

_Hello Readers. Supposedly I can write author notes up heres to tell yous some important infos. If you haven't guessed, I don't know much about Fanfiction rules n' stuff. (outside of the official rules)_

_This story is meant for your personal entertainment, as well as to polish my English writing and story creating skills. Please leave honest comments so that I can improve. Please bear with me, as I will revise and polish chapters even after uploading them._

**_Disclaimer: This story is based on the Durarara! anime (not the manga or LN). I do not own the anime. All rights go to Aniplex, Brains Base, and a guy named after an International Airport._**

* * *

At 6:27 in the morning, Shinra woke up to the sound of his smoke detector. He could see nothing. Picking up his glasses, he wondered what could have happened.

He still saw nothing.

Astonished, he realized that the entire apartment unit was filled with a cloud of opaque black smoke. He dashed out of his room yelling "Celty, Run! There's a massive fire!" and felt his way to the balcony. Once there, he took a deep breath, and realized that something was strange…

He had just passed through a room with smoke thick enough to come from the pits of Hell. Yet he felt no heat, and his breath wasn't stifled with the usual smoky debris either. Looking back, he realized that most of the smoke that filled the room wasn't actually from a fire, but instead from Celty's head. Cautiously walking back indoors, he took a better look inside.

Much of the smoke had escaped by then, and Shinra saw Celty in the kitchen, breathing heavily while hacking at the ceiling mounted detector with her scythe. From her neck rose a jet of smoke as if from the chimney of an old coal fueled power plant. Next to her, a misshapen piece of… coal was placed on a shattered plate. Finally, a misshapen hunk of iron occupied the space where the oven used to be. Cautiously Shinra approached her, and tried to assess the situation.

"C-C-Celty?.? W-What's wrong?"

She flinched, surprised to find her Valentine standing there, and hid her scythe awkwardly. She then typed (very unnaturally) on her PDA: {Good morning Darling! Haw was your sleeep?}

"Uh.. Celty, are you OK? What happened in here?"

{I was just making you breakfast. Pancakes to be exact. Darling! I made a small mistake this time, but ddon't wory, I'll do it propporly this tine. Darlineg!}

So that explains the burnt lump on the plate and the destruction, thought Shinra. Except, Celty was usually a fantastic cook who would never make such a catastrophic mess. Also, her sudden sweetness completely creeped him out.

"D-Don't worry about it Celty, I'll get something to eat later, l-lets just g-go see the m-movie okay?-? Uuh, but first I need to get something from my office. I'll be back in 30 minutes."

Leaving that message, Shinra swiftly walked outside.

* * *

On the other side of town, Mika Harima woke up, refreshed and completely stoked. Today was the day that she could express her love toward Seiji as much as she wanted. For a few weeks now, she had held back her affectionate actions toward him, hoping to make today that much more special. Getting out of bed, she noticed that there was a new email to her. Funny, she thought, nobody gave her emails this early. Flipping her phone open, she noticed, with a shock, that it was from Nakura… the man who had helped her run from the Headless Rider.

The message said: "The situation looks bad. The sketchy doctor and the Rider are after you. They also want to capture Seiji and turn him into a cyborg"

Any sane individual who saw a silly message like this sent by the least trusted information broker in the world would have ignored it immediately. However, sanity wasn't one of Mika's strong points, especially when Seiji's safety was concerned. Calmly putting the phone down, she pulled out a pistol from under her bed and placed it in her bag.

"I won't let anybody take Seiji from me. Not even the doctor."

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima woke up in a terrible mood. He had lost in his last two fights to a love-crazed girl and a pacifist sushi chef. At least today was a day off for him. He got up slowly, and dressed in his usual classy bartender suit, given to him by all the destruction he had had to pay for, the bodyguard lived a pretty low class life. He didn't have TV, internet, or even electricity. A box of cigarettes and his suits were enough of a luxury for him.

He planned to go to the movies, as today was the premiere of his brother's newest film. He had to bear the fact that it was a romantic film on Valentine 's Day, but most of Kasuka's films were entertaining to him regardless of the topic. He smirked,

"I wonder if Kasuka's gotten off to a better love life than me" he thought. Even though he was a big shot movie star, Kasuka Heiwajima was a cold, methodical, emotionless man in real life. He neither had many friends, nor cared that he didn't. Not exactly the kind of guy to have a love life. Pondering random thoughts like these, the blond man left his home and started walking off toward the city's center. But thinking about his brother had lifted his mood a bit.

Suddenly, a silver object flashed in his peripheral vision. Jumping immediately, Shizuo narrowly avoided a knife thrown directly at his face. He glared toward the source of the weapon and froze.

There stood the man he least wished to see today, wearing his signature coat and looking down at him from a commanding height. The man spoke,

"So I heard that you got into a little fight yesterday Shizu-chan"

Shizuo scowled, anger building up inside him. Ignoring this, the man on the rooftop continued:

"Fortunately, you lost the fight, and nobody except you ended up being hurt. But Celty was pretty shaken up by the things you told her. I warn you, Shizu-chan, if you do anything that gets on my nerves, I will make you pay."

Somehow controlling his anger, Shizuo glared at him and replied, "I'm sorry for what I did yesterday, and I promise to not insult her again today. There. You're not getting any more than that, and there's nothing you can do to change it."

Grinning, Shinra pulled out another shining scalpel and pointed it at the bodyguard's face. "Are you sure there Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo Heiwajima casually placed his hand on a nearby "Yield to Pedestrians" sign. "Don't make me…"

The underground doctor laughed histerically. "Save your energy for later Shizu-chan, Izaya's in town today for that."

"WWWHAT!?" Shizuo's eyes widened at the name of the man he didn't expect to meet for a long time. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! And I really don't mind what you do with him. Just remember, if your lovely game of hide and seek bothers my date with Celty, you will pay for it."

With those words, the scientist jumped down from the roof and walked away. His labcoat seemed to shine and flutter like the pure white feathers of a swan.

Shizuo spat, and also started walking. He was in a terrible mood again. In the last 24 hours, he had lost fights to a love-crazed girl and a pacifist sushi chef, been disgraced by a pale nerdy underground doctor, and learned that his least favorite person in the world was here to bother him.

* * *

Namie Yagiri woke up that day determined. She might have gotten a good night sleep, or she might not have, but that was the least of her issues that day. Skipping breakfast, she got dressed quickly and walked swiftly to town. Scowling, she made sure that she had the tools she needed for the task at hand. "Gloves, needles, WFG-57, CCGR-23…" Satisfied, she took a deep breath, and calmly entered Izaya's office.

He wasn't there.

Smiling, Namie tiptoed toward her boss's monster PC. Sitting in the unnecessarily large chair, she pushed a small usb stick labeled "CCGR" into the PC and waited patiently, waiting for a certain virus to initiate its work.

That moment, Namie noticed a post it note pasted onto the 3rd computer monitor's screen. It had a badly drawn portrait of her on it and said: "Sorry, but I'll be in Ikebukuro today Namie-san". She grabbed the note furiously and stared at it for a while. Her plan had been foiled. Cursing, she gathered her things and decided to depart immediately to that city.

Then, Namie saw the USB drive and froze. Her face turned blue as she shivered in terror. Trembling, she whispered to herself as she understood her grave mistake. "No no no, please no… not CCGR-57"

She slumped on the floor and began sobbing as she violently removed the usb.

* * *

7:12 AM. 2-14-2005

Admin:

I call upon all Dollars members to read this. I have just learned that the Slashers are back to destroy Valentine 's Day. If you see any people with red eyes and a dazed expression, please deal with them in the best way you see fit.

* * *

Masomi was worried that morning. He had heard noise that the Dollars were going to mess about that day. However, he was determined that nobody should hurt his friends Mikado and Anri. Thus, as the responsible gang leader, he had ordered all Yellow scarves to lay low, hiding their colors, but keeping their eyes peeled for any Dollars action. He left the rest to the member's digression. Just in case, he had ordered a trusted man, Haruhiko Asahina to lead the gang if any big trouble occurred.

"Well, at least now we will be safe!"

It was a hard decision on his part. He knew that Izumii's Blue square men were still lurking among his members, plotting to do harm. Masaomi himself could have easily been killed when he stepped into the warehouse again to command them. However, he had placed his friends over his own safety, and thus acted. He was prepared to face the consequences head on himself.

* * *

Mikado Ryugamine on the other hand, was at ease with himself. He intended to enjoy himself thoroughly today, and was in a very good mood. He had not bothered himself about the Dollars for about a week now, and things seemed to be moving well enough. As long as they stayed low that day, nothing special should happen. He had considered employing the Dollars as bodyguards to the many groups of lovers today, but decided against it, just in case some misunderstanding led to a scuffle. He grinned and spoke to himself.

"I bet Masaomi would employ the Yellow Scarves for that reason if he were still in charge. But there's no way that he would return to the gang that almost killed him! That would be too crazy, even for him."

Thus he skipped happily toward the station where the trio had decided to meet.

* * *

When Shinra returned home 34.5 minutes after he had left, Celty had calmed down significantly. The doctor grinned and went up to her with the tickets. "C'mon Celty, lets go" he said, and went into his room to change. For this day only, Shinra had decided to wear casual clothes instead of his usual lab suit. After all, it was a very special date. He found a flannel shirt with a very bright blue-red-yellow plaid design along with some dark gray jeans and a worn leather belt. "Fashion" he thought. "I can be cool at times". As he finished, he entered the living room again, humming his favorite song "Diamonds". There he waited for Celty to get ready.

However, the Dullahan simply stayed on the couch and did not move. After a dozen or so awkward seconds past, she took out her PDA and typed, {So, Shinra. What should we do this morning!}

Shinra was happy that his girlfriend had calmed down (and that she had stopped being creepy), but was irked that she seemed to have forgotten about their date.

"I think we should leave soon if we want to make it to the Yuuhei film, but if you have other plans I'd be…" He was cut off

{**WHAT**!} Celty glared at her ticket, which she thought was for a 9 PM showing. She trembled as she saw that it was actually for a 9 AM showing. It was 7:50 right now. Frantically, she dashed into her room, and slammed the door, making quite a racket inside.

"Well" laughed Shinra, somewhat worried. "It looks like she's still… strange today"

To be continued.

* * *

Constructive Criticism, Dumb comments, etc all welcome. But I prefer the first.

Did you like that? I love this story. But please don't think that this is the best that I can do. I have other stories, Shogun Rougue and White/Black. They are rated M for content, so are hidden by default. Please read them. I consider them to be my best work.

(At the time of this chapter upload, those works above haven't been uploaded yet though sorry)


	3. Chapter 3: Thick as Theives

**Criminals!**

_Shakespeare used "The Fool" the point out the truth. Ryhogo Narita used "The Fools" to bring out laughs. Enjoy!_

**DISCLAIMER: This story is based on other copyrighted fiction that I don't know. Durarara! is owned by Aniplex, Brains base, and Ryho-chan.**

* * *

Even in modern Japan, thieves can ruin the fortunes and lives of innocent men. Their pitiless greed taints the city with suffering. Even worse, these ruthless criminals know no holiday, and will even try to crash the day dedicated to love and peace. Well, most thieves would.

On Valentine's Day today, a notorious duo of thieves invaded Ikebukuro, Japan. Wanted in 15 different countries, their skill in robbery was simply unparalleled. What kind of misery and havoc were they planning to release today?

"Yo Isaac!" shouted an American lady wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants.  
"Waddup Miria!" responded an elegant British man walking beside her wearing similar gangster clothes.

"I've been thinking. If today's Valentine's Day, we shouldn't be going around stealing from the couples should we?" continued the lady, giving up her gangster voice.

The British man followed by returning to his classy voice as well, "That's right! There's no good in spoiling the love is there?"

"But Isaac, if all the rich people have dates today, how do we find people to rob?"  
"Don't worry Miria! I've already spotted the rich single man we seek!"  
"Rich _and _single!? The man must be evil!"  
"You've hit it spot on Miria! The lonely fellow's always walking about in spot clean suits, only to bully some poor biker girls and pick fights with sushi chefs! Which makes him rich, single, and evil!"  
"Oh my!"

"Since its Valentine's day, I say we rob him, Miria. Take the wealth he probably got illegitimately anyway, and give it to the couples!"  
"We'd practically be Saints!"  
"Speaking of Saints, do you know how Valentine's Day started?"  
"Nope! Not a clue!"  
"There was once a man named Valentinus who was born in Rome on Feb 19 sometime during the time of Christ. He was a rich man, and he married a lady by the name of Valentina, who was also rich and born on Feb 19. But, since they were Saints, they gave their riches away to couples around the world! Later, the Roman citizens made a holiday in their honor, and called it Valentine's day since they was too lazy to write down both of their names!"  
"Wow! Where did you learn that?"  
"A smart phone told me yesterday! I think her name was Siri. She knows everything and works at that big silver apple store that's always out of apples."  
"Then it must be telling the truth!"  
"Exactly Miria! And since mommy told us to be like Saints, we should follow the Valentines' example and give to the couples!"  
"And the only way we can do that is to steal from that rich guy!"  
"Let's go!"

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima was heading to the movies right after his conversation with Shinra, and was in a terrible mood. He swore to himself to destroy the next person who tried to bother him. It would give him some good stress relief. But nobody would be stupid enough to approach him in this state.

However, just as he thought that, an unusually classy thug came swaggering towards him, saying something along the lines of, "Yo, yo, yo. Waddup bro! Why don't you have a date today dog? Lemme fight you son!" Perfect, thought the bodyguard, a chance to brighten up. Grinning, he charged at the man, still swaggering about, and aimed a perfect punch straight up his gut.

But the thug avoided this punch with unbelievable skill, causing Shizuo to lose his balance and fall flat on his face, breaking his sunglasses in the process. The blond man recovered immediately and looked back, only to see another thug, a woman actually, throw something at him. Before he could figure out what it was though, the object exploded in his face, clouding his vision and stifling his breath. Using this distraction, the merry thugs ran away, congratulating each other enthusiastically.

Shizuo Heiwajima was in a terrible mood. In the last 24 hours he had lost 3 fights to a love crazed girl, a pacifist sushi chef, and a classy pair of thugs, broken his favorite pair of sunglasses, scratched up his bartender suit, been disgraced by a pale nerdy underground doctor, and learned that his least favorite person in the world was here to bother him.

* * *

"See Miria? That bartender would pick a fight with anyone! Did you see how fast that punch was?"  
"Didn't we sort of talk mean to him to piss him off though? "  
"What do you mean Miria? All modern kids talk like that! At least they did in New York…"  
"Oh yes! How silly of me! By the way, what was in the man's pockets?"  
"These!"

The Englishman flashed a skinny wallet and a cell phone.

"Is there a lot of money?"  
"Noooope. This wallet only contains 42 yen, a train pass, and a movie ticket to "Love Train 1931"!"  
"Then does that mean he has yakuza contacts on his cell?"  
"Nope. Only to his doctor, his boss, and some girl named Celty."  
"Is that his girlfriend? I thought that he was single!"  
"What!? How can such a terrible person have a girlfriend?"  
"Maybe he has pictures of her!"

The American girl snatched up the phone, but immediately dropped it after opening the camera app. It contained 5 pictures of Kasuka and 3 of Celty.

"Oh lord! Isaac! These pictures are blackmail quality!"  
"5 not so good looking pictures of a popular actor and 3 of that biker chick he was beating up last night! Miria, we need to report this to the police immediately!"  
"Isaac! Don't you remember that we're on the Interpol 10 most wanted list? We can't go to the police!"  
"Don't you worry my dear! When was the last time my costumes failed to trick them cops, eh!?"  
"Last week in Shanghai…"  
"Umm… This can only mean that the man keeps his stash o' cash in his home! Lets go!"  
"Oh, Isaac. You are so smart!"

* * *

To be Continued

How did you like that? Want more? Don't like the quality?  
Please leave reviews, visit my profile, and answer the poll.  
Should I continue writing new chapters/stories, or should I go back an polish/revise my earlier chapters?

Also, please read my other works, the _Shogun Rouge_ series. These are my favorite. However, those are rated M, as they are medical based.


	4. Chapter 4: The Irish Supermodel

**Ikebukuro Fashion!**

_Please leave reviews, comments, criticisms, etc. I will use all of them to improve my work!_

_Also, please check out my Profile and other works. Short chapter, short intro._

**DISCLAIMER: This stuffs below are based on the anime デゥラララ！No extra LN/Manga stuff is included. Oh and I own neither.**

* * *

Open back red dress. Irish leather hunter boots. black lace gloves that went up to her elbows. Yellow racing motorcycle helmet. Blue socks.

This is what Celty Stulurson had decided to wear to her date today and it completely creeped Shinra out. First of all, where the heck did she get real clothes? And how can a person with such a disoriented sense of fashion exist!? Anyway, she seemed happy with it so he didn't object. He'd just take her to the theater, the dark theater, and he'll deal with the fashion later. Maybe he'll taker her shopping for clothes. Clothes that matched…

As the doctor was worrying about this, he noticed a man in crisp bartender clothes skipping along with his girlfriend. Talk about fashion. It seemed that Shizuo clothes were the fad today… but why? Shinra Kishitani realized why he had hated fashion for his entire life.

And at that moment, he saw Shizuo himself! The original! However, the fashion trendsetter seemed depressed and in need of a chat.

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima was in a terrible mood. It seemed that the classy thugs had robbed him of all his happiness. He had held back his outbursts with all his energy in order to save enough money to buy his movie ticket. But now that was gone, stolen along with his phone and wallet. He was helpless with no means to do anything in the middle of the city.

However, at this moment, he heard his name being called. Looking up, he saw his jolly medical friend signaling him to come. Happily he approached him, desperate to escape his loneliness in some way. He'd even love to discuss quantum medial chemiphysics or whatever with him.

Then he saw Celty (who still seemed angry at him BTW).

"Yo Shizuo! What's wrong?" Chirped Shinra,  
"Nothing m-m-much. I was j-just … ah"  
"You okay man? Why are you getting so red? Why are you shaking? Are you mad about the people stealing your fashion or something?"

"Fashion? Haha! From you guys!?" The bodyguard couldn't hold back anymore. He dropped down on the ground and started bawling in laughter. This was definitely one of the funniest moments he had experienced in his life. A stylish nerd who was leading a terribly dressed urban legend to the movies just asked him about fashion. That was just perfect.

His merriness vanished instantly though when he looked up again. Celty was sobbing (without a head. How?) in the doctor's arms, insulted and completely devastated by Shizuo's attitude. The doctor himself was glaring at him, his entire face wiped free of that signature gleefulness. However, instead of condemning anger, as the bodyguard expected, Shinra's eyes showed warning and fear.

The couple then proceeded to leave him, with the doctor whispering to him, "Good lord Shizuo, you better run for your life."

Great. Now he had no money, no ticket, no phone, no friends, and potentially an Irish death goddess after his life.

Today was a terrible day.

* * *

Morisuke was in a good mood today. He and his buddies were headed toward the city to have some fun. There was business involved too, of course, but it was enjoyable business. His boss, Asahina-sama had ordered him and his buddies to watch out for Dollars members, saying that general Kida had given them all the permission to "deal with them". Obviously this was not true, but it was a legal loophole they could use to gain their wishes. Izumii was always thinking of these tricks.

Oops. He chuckled. "I mean… Asahina."

* * *

Meanwhile, a small store on the remote corner of the city, mostly free of people, quaked at the roar of an angry van driver.  
"KADOTAAAAAA! Why the heck are we spending our Valentine's day holiday with a couple of otaku in a manga shop!"  
"What's wrong Togusacchi? It's not like you have a date today right? Might as well spend it seeing Dengeki's new relea-" Began Erika.  
"Shuddup. Have you guys forgotten? We won tickets to the new Yuuhei movie! It starts in about 25 min, but you guys are somehow intent on staying here. Why?"  
"But a new Gundam series is out~" whined Walker.  
"OK, then buy it, but do it fast! Where's Kadota?"

The crew then heard the heard the characteristic sound of a van engine revving and saw their van slowly pull out of the lot. All three immediately charged toward the door, yelling at the top of their voices.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA, WAIDDUP DOTACHIIIIIN!"

* * *

Izaya Orihara arrived at the movie theater. He stood on top of a triple story parking lot adjacent to the place and casually watched the people with his binoculars. Here, his pawns will arrive. Here, the fun will happen. Here, _HE_ will have fun. According to his calculations, 5 important groups will show up around now.

As expected, Mika and Seiji came first, followed by the trio of Mikado, Masaomi, and Anri. Kadota's noisy gang also bumbled in late, yet just as planned. Next came… Namie-san?

That was strange. The pharmacist was supposed to arrive well after the other two parties: Celty/Shinra, and Shizuo.

Even stranger, she ran directly toward him, obviously distressed about something. Did she have something ridiculous about her brother again? Or did she accidentally set off a bomb or something?

"What's up Namie-san? If it's Seiji you're looking for, he just went insi-"  
"Izaya-san. I am so sorry. I-I"  
"What!? You look like you just initiated CCGR-27 onto the world!"

The information broker was irked that she didn't respond immediately. Troubled, he asked, "D-Did you?"

The assistant mumbled. "47"

The evil grin vanished from Izaya's face. Slowly, he checked his watch. 8:56 AM.

Only 4 minutes left.

* * *

**To be continued:**

_Hello, My name is Szilard Quates. Now you are probably asking questions like these: Why are Izaya and Namie panicking? What the heck is CCGR-47? What is CCGR? Who is Asahina? Why is Shinra not angry at Shizuo? What is wrong with Celty's fashion sense?_

_All these questions can be answered by: _  
_1) Asking the characters directly _  
_2) Waiting for the next chapter _  
_3) Giving them immortality elixir and devouring them._


	5. Chapter 5: Backstory

**The Good Ol' Times**

_Hello Readers!_

_Dang, writing becomes hard once you come to about chapter 4. You'd think that imagining a story and writing it down would be easy huh? But this is the test of my English and writing skills so I will power on! However, updates may become a bit less frequent. I somehow feel a bit less satisfied with the newer chapters than my first few... (commence the revising!)_

_Please leave comments! They are all welcome._

**DISCLAIMER: There will be no Shizaya. There I warned you. Oh and I don't own デゥラララ！**

_ということで、日本語でも何か書いてみたほうがいいかな～。まー、要求する者いればいつでも書きますよ！_

* * *

"Heyyyyy. Namie-saaaaaaaaan. I'm booooooooored."

The information broker whined while spinning lazily in his chair. His assistant yawned. Their office felt gloomy in the silence of inaction, even though it was only 8:25.

"Not my fault that you haven't had a job in a week. Haaaaw"  
"But Namie-san! It's Januaaaaaaary. Isn't that usually the month oooooof profits for us?"  
"First, you say that every month. Second, please stop stretching your voice when you spin. Thir-"

Suddenly the scientist (turned secretary) froze. Izaya stopped spinning and asked her what's up.

"I-Izaya! Look at this!" Namie trotted to the info-man's desk with her laptop. "I just hacked into the Ikebukuro movie theater's computer network!"  
"Why'd ya wanna do that…?"  
"Wake up and look, idiot! They keep all their movie files digital and keep it accessible to the employees!"  
"So we can pirate stuffs? Kooooool. But really I don't car abo-"  
"WAKE UP AND LOOK IZAYA! Don't you see the potential!?"

However, the raven haired man's face remained blank and devoid of all thought. The excited secretary continued anyway.

"We can access the movie screens!"  
"yaaaaay. Is Russia sushi open right now?"  
"We can change the videos they show there as we please!"  
"lemme go get some ootoro okay?"  
"WE CAN PULL OFF THE GREATEST PRANK EVER!"  
"I'll be back by nine"

Furious that her employer wasn't listening, Namie grabbed Izaya's head (which he felt too lazy to lift himself) by the ears, pressed her angry forehead onto his, and stared into his blank unfocused eyes as she repeated her comments loudly. Around the 7th time she finished her points, the information broker suddenly snapped back to life. Jumping out of his chair (while nocking his poor assistant away), he shouted,

"My gosh Namie-san! You're a genius! We can prank some moviegoers soooo bad! Hey why are you on the floor?"

The scientist rose from her fall rather painfully but spoke excitedly,  
"Finally! You get it! What should we use as the prank films? Ohhh! There's a new Hanejima film coming out on Valentine's day! We can totally prank some diehard fans and lovers!"  
"Yes, Yes, YES! I have a couple gag videos ready too! Like my 45 minute montage of Shizu-chan's every screw-up!"  
"O-Ok… That's weird. But yeah. We can also…"

The conversation continued this way, and the duo decided to make multiple joke USB drives for convenience. They would be labeled CCGR-X7, just like their other convenient CCGR USB projects. To deploy, one needed only to stick the drive into an internet connected PC, and the rest would be automatic. Projects 1, 3, and 5 were Izaya's personal "Shizuo messing up" videos. Projects 2, 6, and 7 were Namie's anti-Harima videos. As for project 4…

"Hey Izaya. Since we have so much time, let's make a super awesome dance video for one of the USB's!"  
"Umm… I don't want to show my dancing skills to a theater full of-"  
"Don't worry! As long as we never use it, we'll be fine! Besides, its not like we have anything else to do today!"  
"Okay…"

And thus, they created their masterpiece.

* * *

Back to the future, in Valentine's day, Shinra was becoming incredibly nervous. He wasn't nervous with all about the date plans, or how to compliment his girl, or other normal boyfriendy things, but was nervous with what had happened minutes earlier with Shizuo. Celty had been insulted beyond her limit. She had become so emotional as to cry (or the headless equivalent) in his arms. The last time that had happened… oh dear.

* * *

"I'm hooooome!"

Shinra returned again to his dark, empty home. His father had gone to America months ago, and Celty usually returned near midnight doing whatever she did. Hanging his Raira Academy uniform neatly in his room, he hummed noisily to himself as he made a lonely dinner. Maybe he should invite his friends more often to his home, or hang out with them longer. Even the fanciest meal at his luxury apartment sucked when eaten alone. He sighed, and contemplated skipping the meal altogether and drowning his feelings in some novels.

Suddenly, the entrance door slammed open as Celty Sturluson returned home, obviously moody. Shinra brightly welcomed her, but expected fully well to be punched, yelled at (figuratively), and then left alone, as usually happened when she was angry. He didn't mind these abuses though, as long as they satisfied her. Although it worsened his sense of loneliness, if it were for his lov-

However, his masochist thoughts were interrupted as the Dullahan walked straight into his outstretched arms, shaking. Was she… crying? He comforted her, slightly confused and greatly worried.

After a few minutes, Celty had calmed down long enough to sit down on the couch. The student gently asked her what had happened. She answered silently by producing her knight's helmet, which had been crushed beyond recognition and mangled with graffiti. Shinra gasped. The Dullahan had cared for this helmet above every other possession she had. This was her life's treasure.

"What happened Celty?" She gravely wrote her story on a nearby notepad in very shaky handwriting (and grammar), pausing at times to control her emotions.

{I was walking around in city minding my own business. around noon-ish, when the Red Gloves color gang came and stole it for me… They just took it! Snatched it from my neck! I chased them around the entire city for hours. Everywhere! When I found it. It was just thrown inside trashcan. it was like this}

She then collapsed onto him and crying some more, devastated beyond reason.  
"C'mon Celty! Brighten up! I'll get you a better helmet any day!"  
Shinra's generic and confused answers rang hollow in his own ears, but he continued them in a desperate attempt to comfort her.

Strangely though, the emotional breakdown only lasted for about 15 more minutes. Dullahans are weird.

* * *

Three days later, Shinra brought his beloved roommate the helmet that he had created. He had started with a black racing helmet, and added cat-ear shaped vents, yellow/blue paint, and a stylized "S" to add beauty, a sense of power, and unmistakable identity.

Celty received this gift stoically, merely nodding to thank him. Since she had overcome her emotions long ago, she was back to her usual cold demeanor. The student teased her for it, but only received a fist to the gut in response. His Dullahan then promptly stormed away in either anger or embarrassment. He really couldn't tell at the time. At least she was… normal.

It was only later that he found out that she was indeed filled with pure anger. Turning on the TV during (another very lonely) dinner, he saw the terrifying headline on the news. Every single one of the 100 or so Red Gloves members in Ikebukuro had been hospitalized with life threatening injuries. The injuries for the top 20 members were so severe, in fact, that they were reported "dead" initially. How they all managed to survive was beyond his imagination.

Anyway, lesson learned: don't make Celty cry. And if you do, RUN, as she will come after your life when she recovers 30 minutes later.

* * *

"Heeeeey. Togusacchi! I'm bored. Can't you play some music?"

Erika Karisawa droned on as the van drove steadily through the highway on the way back from another long mission. Saburo responded, slightly annoyed.

"Not my fault that the radio is broken, and that you guys used up all my CD's for 'miscellaneous works'"  
"But we needed to get info from that client riiiight…?

While this conversation repeated itself again and again like a song on a broken record player, Walker popped his head up and shouted.

"Hey, we can always listen to these sketchy CD's I found in the back of the van!"  
"Weren't those broken?"  
"Naw, we never tried them for some reason? Besides, I found the labels to them too."  
"What do they say?"  
"OK… its music. The band's name is 'DRRR', and the members are… D… HAHAHA"

Suddenly the otaku burst out laughing as Kyohei tightened up in his seat. Erika inquired excitedly, her eyes shining in strange expectation. Walker somehow controlled himself enough to continue,

"D-Drums and supporting vocals by K-Ka-Kadota Kyohei!"

The van swerved violently as all riders (but one) screamed in surprise. Walker continued (still holding back his laughter)

"Guitar and supporting vocals by Kishitani Shinra! Main vocals by Heiwajima Sh-Shizuo! Bass Guitar and keyboard (and supporting vocals) by Orihara Izaya!"

The entire highway quaked with the gang's surprise as it pulled into a rest area.  
"We have GOT to listen to this!"  
"please don't…."  
"C'MON Dotachin! We want to hear your singing voice!"

Saburo inserted the disk into the car player while the rest of the gang listened intensely. After a few seconds of white noise, an (unreasonably) chaotic and unbalanced guitar solo blared through the speakers. Suddenly, the red faced gang leader lurched forward in his seat and yelled,  
"PLEASE NO! NOT THIS SONG! NO-"

He was cut off by the otakus as the song ungracefully shifted to a slower keyboard section. Then, a very familiar deep voice cut in, completely missing many of the notes. {The lyrics themselves were so sappy, filled with clichés, and terrible overall, that I cannot write them here.}

Saburo, Erika, and Walker all jerked about in their seats, tears streaming down their faces in glee, as they listened to their leader sing on and on about his unfathomable love for "the girl in room 3-C".

However, their entertainment was short lived as some high pitched guy (who missed even more of the notes) took over and started to sing about his beloved Irish knight or something. The gang used this lull to question their leader.

"KADOTA! Why didn't you tell us that you were in such a terrible band!?"  
"well. um. Cut me some slack though please! I was in high school! My singing and writing skills weren't, as, you know-"  
"WAIDDUP! YOU WROTE THE SONG TOO!?"  
"well. yes. o-only the parts I sang! N-Not the other creepy stuff by Izaya and Shinra!"

The usually confident Kyohei shrank into his green coat as the song switched over to his drum solo. The gang then fell silent for a while, impressed at the actual skill in this portion of the song. The guitar, bass, and keyboard then joined in, somehow matching the high level of skill. The peace was broken unfortunately, as a third singer started to sing about his love of the entire human race. He was definitely the worst singer of all, missing basically all of the notes, and shrieking as if his throat were stuffed full of hyperactive bats. The torture was thankfully short lived though, as a deep, powerful singer took over, actually hitting all the notes in his declaration of love to peace. Then the song ended.

Erika spoke first, followed by the rest of the gang (minus Kyohei)  
"That… was strange. It actually became a good song in the end!"  
"Yeah! That combined with Kadota's contribution definitely makes this my new favorite song!"  
"Who's this Takigawa Haruka eh? Dotachin?"  
"I'm definitely gonna make this my ringtone!"  
"Awesome! By the way, I wonder why the first guitar solo was so bad."

after an awkward silence, the green man murmured,  
"it was me…"

The van quaked again with this newest confession by their boss.

* * *

_To be Continued!_

_Please leave comments, visit my profile, and vote on the polls!_

_So... who is this Takigawa Haruka of room 3-C? Well, you must read my Shogun Rouge series to find out!_


	6. Chapter 6: The Raven Dancer

**Disaster Strikes pt1**

_Hello Readers!_

_I friggin love this story! Don't worry, I'm not giving up on it, and work on it everyday. Just the editing process becomes a bit slow once you get further into the story. Thus, the updates are a bit slower._

**Disclaimer: This Disclaimer is Bold AND Underlined. I don't own Durarara!**

* * *

4 minutes.

Izaya Orihara NEEDED to get into the theater and stop the movie in about that much time. Unfortunately, there was no time to do some hacking fix, so he NEEDED to physically break the theater's main computer. As long as there was no interference tho-

"IZAYA-KUUUUUUN!"

And perfect, his arch enemy comes to mess with him. A large heavy object of some sort flew in his direction. But he could use this.

"Shizu-chan… Uh. I'll deal with you later, but first, you need to listen to me. My assistant accidentally hacked into the theater computer, and, well, in about 3 minutes, our DRRR love song will be played in all its glory in front of the packed crowd."

The monster froze for a few seconds and glared at him. But he snapped out of it immediately, and ran up to the building where he stood. Izaya was relieved,

"So you're going to help me stop it?"  
"Nope."  
"Huh!? But, But, a hundred or so lovers are going to listen to you sing! Your high school voice!"  
"Well, if you didn't remember, Izaya-kun. I sound awesome in that song. You, well, don't"  
"Please Shizu-chan! It's actually a very embarrassing video with me and Namie-san dancing half nude in it."

A confused silence filled the air for a second. The bodyguard then fell on the floor in a fit of laughter.  
"Then that's even better. I assume that you won't want to stay in this city too long then! Maybe you should leave the country while you're at it."

This was hopeless. He would have to stop the video himself. Izaya jumped off the building and ran straight into the theater. He faintly heard the monster run after him.

"Whoa Whoa flea! I'm not gonna just let you escape your embarrassment! IZAYAAAAAAA!"

* * *

One more minute till the movie. The lights in the theater had already gone out, and some random commercials were playing on the screen. Shinra felt good about this. Nobody would now look at Celty's strange outfit. The loud couple in front of them (consisting of weirdoes named Isaac and Miria) was loud and annoying, but at least they weren't causing violence. The movie should start any second now.

Suddenly a dark shadow flew across his peripheral vision. As the doctor wondered what could have happened, he noticed that his girlfriend was trembling. Was she scared? Angry? Crying again?

His question was answered the next moment as the yell of "IZAYAAAAAA" filled the room, and a bartender suited monster pinned the dark object onto the ground. Shit. The Dullahan had snapped. It seemed that the shadows around him were slowly forming into a scythe…

The movie started as "I&N productions" flashed across the screen. Funny. Most of Kasuka's movies were made by Varner Bros Japan. And what was I&N? Then a familiar (and unbelievably terrible) guitar solo filled the room. A green shirted man yelled in pain somewhere in front of him. The bartender suited man was laughing. The dark object beneath him was crying.

The image shifted to a large windows overlooking Shinjuku. The camera then panned to reveal a large office. As Kadota's voice started to sing, Namie Yagiri flew into the frame, wearing a two tone green bikini and dancing rather poorly to the music. The crowd roared in laughter. As the music switched to Shinra's singing, a man in Hawaii themed swimming trunks jumped into the frame as well. But, was that Izaya!?

The doctor fell on the floor laughing, as he watched the cool "god of Ikebukuro" move his pale lanky body in a complete lack of rhythm. This film made absolutely no sense, and still almost killed him with hilarity. However, his glee was short lived as the image and the music went out with a huge explosion of sparks. A smell of short circuited computer capacitors filled the air.

Shinra turned to tell his girlfriend the background of the song, but was surprised to find that she wasn't there.

As he looked around frantically to find either of them, a man in a bartender suit placed his hand on the doctor's shoulder. Wheeling around, Shinra expected to see Shizuo, but was disappointed to see that it was that Isaac weirdo. For some reason, he and his partner were crying profusely. He questioned them.

"Umm…. Can I help you?"

However, they only responded by crying some more and saying:  
"Don't worry brotha! We'll help you through! Just relax okay!"  
"Isaac and I will definitely solve it for you so… so… don't worry!"

"Uh. Why?"

"Don't worry! We know! We saw everything!"  
"We saw your girlfriend leave you once your voice cut in that video!"

Dang. These idiots have a good eye (and ears). They'd make great thieves. But where was Celty?

"So… So... Don't kill yourself okay?"  
"Come with us! We'll cheer you up!"

With that, the couple (ignoring everything the doctor had to say) grabbed him and led him to their place.

* * *

In the northwest corner of Ikebukuro, there was an empty parking complex. Nobody wanted to park here, much less on the top level, as the rates were outrageous, and there were no good places around. However, two people lay depressed in the center, unable to speak a single word.

Izaya Orihara stared blankly at some sparrows fighting in the air. Was he depressed or embarrassed? He didn't know. His pride and reputation were ruined. The coolness factor was gone. Not to mention that he had to pay for $6900 of damages to the theater. Jeez, couldn't they have bought at least $100 better equipment!?

Suddenly, he tensed up with realization. He was no longer the god of Ikebukuro, no longer the king of the chessboard. He was merely on the level of the pawn.

His hands started to tremble as he remembered an old thought. Kings were limited in what they could do. All they did was run away. They acted large, but were only capable of motions on the level of the lowest pawn. And even then, only to run away, and never to attack.

Izaya stood up. He was now a pawn. Unlike kings, pawns could take risks. Pawns could take large steps forward, leaps of faith. This place was within walking distance to Sunshine 60 right?

"Namie-san…"

* * *

Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.

Shizuo Heiwajima was having a terrible day. In the past 24 hours he had… aaaah too much. But that was only the small parts. Now he had an Irish death goddess or something like that after his life. He dashed with all he had through the streets as her scythe crashed down just next to his ankles.

Just then, the bodyguard found a convenient vending machine sitting in the corner. Picking it up frantically, he threw it at the shadowy headless thing chasing him. It was effective. It hit the Dullahan square on the chest, crushing her, and stopping her progress.

Shizuo breathed a massive sigh of relief. His life was safe. Catching his breath, he decided to leave before the police (or Shinra) found him. However, he could not move for some reason.

Looking down, he noticed that his arms and legs were somehow pinned down with ropes of shadow. Ok, this was just too unfair. He looked up to find that the farie was already recovering from his blow. She stood up angrily and towered over the cowering bodyguard.

The last thing he saw was the scythe hitting his head.

Great. Now he had no money, no phone, no friends, and probably no life.

Today was a terrible day.

* * *

"C'mon Masaomi, its not THAT funny…"

Mikado and Anri watched with concern as their blond friend lay gagging with laughter on the ground. He had been laughing for at least half an hour after the (hacked?) movie had been finished.

"Hahaha! But… But… Izaya… hahaha!"

Suddenly, the student broke out in a fresh wave of glee as he pointed to something behind his two friends. His face was slowly turning purple.

The two students looked back to see Celty Sturluson in her… same clothes, shaking with anger. They hurriedly shut their blond friend up (by sitting on him and covering his mouth) and casually greeted the faerie, somehow stifling their own laughter.

"H-hey Celty-san! How ya doin'!"

However, the Dullahan seemed more interested in Masaomi, and responded,  
{Tell your friend to STFU if he doesn't want know what I did to Heiwajima Shizuo}

A muffled (unwelcomed) response came from the crushed student,  
"Hwhat? Did you copulate with him?"

He shut up when a scythe landed mere inches from his nose. Mikado casually attempted to change the subject.

"So what were you doing around here?"

{I was watching a movie with Shinra, but now I can't find him after I dealt with Shizuo.}

Masaomi let out a suggestive whistle which resulted in a hunting boot being jabbed up his ribs. Anri responded, completely unfazed.

"Is he supposed to wait for you somewhere?"  
{Well… no. I sort of ran off spontaneously in anger, so…}

A pained, yet smug voice leaked out of Masaomi again,  
"Well… What if he found out that you cheated on him, and now he's with another gir- ughnasi"

{Does he ever learn?}  
The Dullahan asked as she (and the other two) stomped mercilessly on Kida's face.

However, their awkward conversation was cut off as Morisuke's gang approached them. The leader jeered,

"Hey hey hey! What are you three doing with our leader huuuhh!? Could it be? Are you the DOLLARS?"

The Dullahan was in no mood to negotiate, {Have you heard of the Red Gloves?}

That day, the hospitals of Ikebukuro were very busy.

* * *

_To Be Continued._

_Please review, comment, and leave criticisms._


	7. Chapter 7: Dumb Blonde(s)

**Sleepy, Sleepy Scythes**

_Hello Readers!_

_Thank you for waiting for this late update! The reason for the delay is... I'll tell you later. I don't like opening Author's notes remember? Make sure to comment and leave criticism! Follows and Favorites are awesome as well!_

**DISCLAIMER: Masaomi Kida's stupidness my wear off onto you if you stay on this page for too long. And I don't own Durarara!**

* * *

He was alive. That was nice… he guessed.

Shizuo Heiwajima stood up, brushing off his battered bartender suit. Today was a terrible day, but at least he was alive. Taking out a cigarette, he wondered what had actually happened to him. Looking at his watch, he noticed that it was 12:05, or 2 hours or so after he had been scythed.

What was that scythe? Obviously it didn't kill him, hurt him seriously, or knock him out for a significant amount of time. Hell, it didn't hurt him at all. But then again, it could be some alien technology, like memory wiping, or personality changing or something. Nobody would notice if that happened right?

The bodyguard walked away feeling smart. Right, Celty and aliens. Makes total sense right?

At this moment, he saw a few yellow-specked objects flying toward his direction. They looked like… UFO's? His eyes had not adjusted yet and he couldn't tell. All he knew was that they were getting bigger, and making a louder noise as time passed. That meant… it was a flying object getting closer right? Like the Doppler effect! Something from highschool physics actually came in handy!

Shizuo snapped his fingers as he understood. It felt nice to be intellige- OUFGHA! #

The bodyguard's thought train was stopped abruptly as he was crushed by Morisuke and his gang.

Today was a terrible… ouch.

* * *

Namie stood still. Did Izaya just…

"Namie-san!"  
"Yes! Yes! What was that!?"

The information broker's face suddenly lit up,  
"Did you just say yes!? Thank you! Lets go!"

Izaya took the scientist's hand and started running toward Sunshine.  
"Wait… Whaaaaa~"

Why was this happening…

* * *

**10 minutes earlier,**

"N-Namie san… um, would you go on a date with me?"

The scientist stood up as well, still dazed from the… embarrassment.  
"Huh, what?"

"I-I mean… Today's um. Valentine's Day, and um. We're good friends and… Sunshine's close by!"  
"I don't know what you…"  
"Come on! I-It won't be awkward. cuz. um. Everybody knows the movie theater. um thing and…"

The informant then stepped toward her and collected himself.  
"I'm not saying this as the sly information broker, or the 'god of Ikebukuro', or even the Shizuo Heiwajima fighter. As one man, as Orihara Izaya, would you go on a date with me to Sunshine!"

Namie stood still, in a state of confusion. Did Izaya just… impersonate the marriage proposal scene from that crappy TV drama on last night?  
"Namie-san!"  
"Yes! Yes! What was that?"

* * *

The scientist nodded silently as she realized that she had agreed to go on a date with Izaya. But it did seem that he was different from the man she hated and plotted to kill on a daily basis. Maybe this could work out well… it did on TV yesterday! (Although that show had an angry ex-boyfriend try to kidnap the girl as the main action scene that explained everything...)

* * *

Masaomi shrunk back as the Black Rider faced the students again. She typed,  
{Where were we? Oh yes, what are your plans today?"}

All three students murmured something unintelligible. Celty became confused,  
{What's wrong? Why are you panicking? Do you not have plans?}

Mikado somehow collected the courage to speak,  
"Well… you did just send 5 or so gangsters flying over at least two buildings."

The Dullahan stomped,  
{Goddam those Yellow scarfed people! Do you guys happen to know who the leader is? I want to deal with him/her personally.}

The students shrunk back further as they violently shook their heads. Masaomi's face turned a very light shade of blue.

{Anyway… I need to search for my boyfriend. Do you guys know where he is?}

Tensions seemed to fall as the conversation returned to the previous topic. All three of the students told her that they didn't have the slightest idea where he could be. Masaomi spoke up, idiotic courage somehow returning.  
"But then, if you're searching for your boyfriend, does that mean that you're on a date with him?"  
{Yes. got a problem?}

The blond looked straight into the Dullahan's visor and spoke,  
"Yeah. your clothes. They look like shit. Not exactly what you wear on a date you know?"

His friends cringed in horror as they thought they saw the outlines of a scythe forming again in the shadows.

* * *

"Welcome to our prideful abode!"  
"Make yourself comfort able!"

The couple yelled as they kicked the doctor into a very cramped apartment. It was filled with various clothes, costumes, and assorted trinkets that all somehow seemed out of place. There was absolutely no theme to the place, as even the age of the clutter seemed to vary widely. For example, a vintage 70's style stereo system sat next to a shining new MacBook. There were bookshelves packed full of various books as well, with everything from archaic leather-bound Russian masterpieces to light novels, to friggin coloring books all arranged neatly… in absolutely no order.

"What the heck… Who are you guys."

The bartender suited man waltzed over and handed him a glass of water.  
"I told you! I'm Isaac Dian,"  
"And I'm Miria Harvent!"  
"We're professional thieves."

Shinra coughed on his drink. This all made sense… and yet it didn't. Weren't thieves… like… poor, dirty, fat, unpleasant, middle aged… etc.?

"We steal to bring happiness to others see?"  
"And to ourselves too!"

"I bet you can't name anything we haven't stolen in our long successful young careers!"  
"We're simply non paralleled!"

The doctor looked questioningly at them. They were at most in their early 30's. No way their careers were anything near long… Also, what was with their awkward expressions!? Expressions… expressionism… art… museum…hmm  
"Have you stolen… a museum piece of art?"

The girl named Miria dug up an old painting from behind some clutter,  
"Original Leonardo Da Vinci fresco of the Virgin Mary and the child Christ! Straight from Italy too ya know?"

It looked surprisingly real, but forging was easy these days. Shinra needed to think of something better…  
"Museum… doors!"

The man named Isaac flicked an old Black/White Polaroid photo toward him. It showed the two wrapped in mummy tape carrying… a door. Geez.

"A millionaire's entire inheritance!"  
Miria threw a newspaper scrap toward him. It said,  
"July 14th 1932. GENOARD FAMILY INHERITANCE STOLEN IN THE NIGHT. Witness tells of 'an eccentric couple'"

Jesus! Wait… that can't be true… Screw it, he was going for the impossible now, something that nobody in the entire world could steal and get away with.  
"Heiwajima Shizuo's cell phone and wallet!"

The bartender suited Isaac pulled out the two items and tossed them toward him grinning. The doctor could only stare in disbelief as those items that he knew too well lay solidly on the table.

"I tooooold you son! There's absolutely nothing we haven't stolen! We even took Mr. Heiwajima's style!"  
"You can never beat us!"

Holy Crap. This was a BIG deal. Then does that mean that those bartender suits came from… oh no.

* * *

Masaomi just stood defiantly,  
"I'm not going to sugarcoat it, even if you are the monster who just single handedly pwned 5 of my gang members - not that I want to take responsibility for those delinquent scum anyway - but if you want to go on a date with someone, you need to dress well, and not in friggin Picasso Cubism crap."

Just leave it to this guy to become dead serious about dating huh? Mikado watched in genuine fear to see what the Headless rider would do to him. He had heard exciting things about the treatment of the Red Gloves from Kanra-san on the Internet. Surprisingly though, the Dullahan seemed to take it silently, calming the Dollars leader's concern. Although… there was a small part of him that did want to see Masaomi get what he deserved.

{Okay… I guess I don't have a good sense of fashion. I just picked up all the clothes that I thought were cool from my closet… What should I do?}

The blond kid smiled as he beckoned his friends to help him.  
"Now we're talkin'. First I need to know who your boyfriend is."  
Where Masaomi's confidence rose from was one of the large wonders of the world… Oh to think that this confidence would probably only lead to another disaster!

{Shinra.}  
"Who?"  
{Shinra Kishitani. You know. Your doctor.}  
"Wait really? Like that labcoat maniac?"  
{yes. got a problem?}

The blond student dropped on the ground howling in laughter.

"Hold up! You. the black rider. Are in a relationship with friggin nerdy pervy man! You've got be kidding heeeeeeeEEE!"

His voice suddenly rose a couple octaves as the shadow scythe suddenly landed a hair's width from his throat. Trusting his animal instincts, Masaomi then quickly jumped up and started to run, as his laughter wasn't going to calm down anytime soon.

Thus another chase was started as Celty Sturluson chased down the second stupid blond kid who had ticked her off today.

* * *

Heiwajima Shizuo was having a slightly less terrible day.

He had been able to let go his pent up anger on some poser gangster mob, and was now mostly free of stress. He had decided that the best thing for him to do now was to try to apologize to Celty, and then to return home before causing any more trouble. Maybe he would eat some cake and then watch some TV at the Kishitani-house, as the residents would be busy until late at night. They'd let him stay right?

Thus he was formulating his peaceful plan when suddenly he heard explosive laughter approaching his way. Looking left, he saw Masaomi Kida sprint toward him stumbling in glee as a furious ball of shadow chased after him.

In a flash, the gang leader student jumped off some wall and hid neatly behind the bodyguard. Shizuo had no time to react to this as the next second, a scythe blade and PDA were jammed in his face.

{Why are you already awake!? This scythe usually works for 12 hours you know!}

The bodyguard raised his eyebrows in amusement as the Dullahan seemed to care more about him than the mischievous looking student behind him.  
"I don't know! Ask Dr. Shinra with his genius scientific crap. But I do want to apologize about what happened—"  
{GODDAMMIT STOP INSULTING SHINRA!}

Shizuo's jaw dropped in surprise, as he started to reply,  
"That was definitely not an insult! It is by far the best thing I've ever called him!"  
Which was true.  
But that didn't matter since the response was cut off as the scythe hit his head... again.

Nope, Heiwajima Shizuo's day still sucked.

The Headless Dullahan then faced Masaomi, hid her scythe, and started to punch him ruthlessly. The student objected loudly,  
"Whoa, whoa! Why does the violent adult get the silent spell of slumber while I, the innocent child, get superhuman lashings!? Shouldn't it be the opposite!?"

He then muttered under his breath,  
"Well that is unless you have a secret violent fetish for said child~."

The scene practically exploded with the Dullahan's indescribable surge of anger. If this all landed on Masaomi alone, it would have definitely finished him for good.

However, a stronger force prevented her from carrying through with her deed. A strange feeling of icy coldness and sharp pain pricked at Celty's back. Looking back, the Dullahan saw 5 red-eyed figures pointing various blades onto her. The center figure, Anri, spoke coldly,  
"I'm sorry Celty-san, but I need you to get off my friend. Although you can say that he deserves the punishment you will upon him, we will not allow you to attack him like this. And you do know that we have the power to hurt you… right?"  
The mellow student's eyes suddenly opened up into wide scarlet rings as her katana seemed to shimmer in cruel laughter.

* * *

"Heeeeeeyyyyyy Dotachiiiiiiiiin! Did ya see the Dollars' admin message today?"

Erika groaned in boredom as she flipped through her iPhone messages. The gang leader responded as he also checked his mail on his (insert name of 2 generation old bulky smartphone).

"Yeah, just now. The one about slashers right?"

Walker joined in while flashing his Sanyo flip phone. (Japanese flip phones are very capable…)

"Hundreds are saying that they're keeping an eye out. Should we?"  
Kyohei responded,  
"We'll do the best we can… Let's mind our own business first though."  
"Like whaaaaat? Do we have a job todaaaaaay?"  
"Yeah, -ish. Dr. Kishitani lost his girlfriend and he asked us to look for her."  
"Kay! Who is she again?"  
"The headless rider."

A small silence filled the van… similar to the calm before a bomb blast.

"Oh yeah… WAIT REALLY!?"  
"Haven't I told you already…"  
"Oh… yes. Yes you did… Just Karisawa-san and I were too preoccupied in switching our ringtones to—"  
"SHUDDUP!"

The noisy van kept swerving about Ikebukuro in this way for a while. Suddenly, Saburo yelped, triggering reactions from the rest,

"Togusacchi! Did you see it? The Black Rider?"  
"Togusa! What did you see? Dangerous stuff?"  
"Is it the slashers!?"

A few tense seconds of silence followed before Saburo breathed his response,  
"T-That's Ruri Hijiribe!"

* * *

In a dark and private corner of Shibuya, Tokyo, a dark mannered man stared intently at his matte black smartphone, a dark grin floating delicately on his dark face. He seemed to be satisfied at whatever he was doing, and proceeded to put his phone away while humming a peaceful tune.

Suddenly though, all equilibrium was shattered as the man slapped his thigh and started to laugh in a loud sloppy voice. This man, Ran Izumii, was in a crazy good mood.

"Hehehehe! Everything is playing RIGHT into my hands! Just change a few colors, and no one blinks an eye… Think up some random reason, and even that informant's on my side! Ha! Now there's really only one thing left to do, huh."  
"And what would that be?"  
"Glad that you asked! It is to recruit Heiwajima Shizu… wait… who am I talking to?"

The gangster wheeled around to face a cute teenage girl. Normally, this should mean that there was a minor inconvenience and no real danger. However, this girl happened to have a prominent scar on her neck… and a Glock pistol in her hand.

"N-Nobody should know about-"  
"That's right Mr. Izumii. There is no one here. No one except you… and me!"

A menacing click echoed through the area as Harima Mika let out a joyful giggle.

* * *

_To Be Continued._

_Major shout out to JamMan265 for PMing me and thus making me update sooner. If you readers whine, I will update sooner.  
Another major shout out to Misaki Haninozuka for steering my story back on track. Out Of Character-ness was starting to creep in. And that is never good. (Original Characters exist for that purpose)_

_As for the delay, major workload increases and Quality Control prevent me from frequent updates. I know it is annoying, but it is far better than rushed, story breaking, boring updates right? Quality over Speed... or something like that. I'll keep up as much as I can though. This is my most popular work by far! Which makes me curious why nobody reads my other Medical stuff. I like those over this story personally. Anyway!_

_So, how did you like this update? Too many art references? Too little? Masaomi is too stupid? Leave comments and wait for the next update~~ (Which would be more focused on one epic event, rather than blinking chaos)_

_I really like comments you know? If you are a regular please comment. Even if it is just 'cool' or 'sucks' or other monosyllable._


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